The life and times of former Beechlawn Rovers star Jim Watt

Monday

Tough ol week ahead, Kilmardinny is never busy though on a Monday, promised Deco and the lads I'd train this week. I went down to see them, all in good form after the weekend. Forgot to change though going down, had to play in my jeans and shoes. I'm quite experienced so this was a bad mistake, its already ruled me out for Wednesday, can't show my face there again.

Tuesday

Thought I'd pop down to St Donaghs and say hi. Killer was dead again today.

Wednesday

Deco rang for me to go training, told him I was dying with a cold. Got a nice tip of 50c in the Killer so i thought I'd stay on. Some pensioner left one euro behind but the loungeboy got there before me and gave it back, such a thoughtful boy. Got a shock when Gavin walked in though, had forgotten Man United under 12s were playing, spent the night in the cellar avoiding him. I'll be more careful next time.

Thursday

Had a packet of lemsip max strength just in case the boys came in. The lads have a game Saturday in Annes, can't wait.

Friday

Deco called to say match was on, will be there with 5 mins to spare. Feder also called in today, pretended I didnt know him. Stopped me having a sly pint though the night before the game. Darn it.

Saturday

Killer wasn't open before the game so had a quick can of dutch gold on the way. We lost 5-2, scored one from half way line, 100mph wind helped, plus the goalie fell over. I didn't tell the lads though that I was actually trying to pass it to Kevin. I'm such a clever boy.

Sunday

Hells hangover, called in sick in the Killer

Monday

Got a call to go training, dammit, why do Beechlawn Rovers do this instead of letting me play for nothing. Its bad enough my pic isn't on the website, its got nothing to do with the fact I wasn't there. What is that internet malark anyhow? Apparently they have it on computers now.

Tuesday

Was combing my hair when the ol wig was fractured, the Killer understood and gave me 2 days sick pay.

Wednesday

Toss up, Rovers at 7pm training or St. Donaghs at 8pm. Was there at 6-55pm. No one else was around, idiots. Went home and watched Eastenders, skipped St Donaghs in protest at shabby Beechlawn treatment.

Thursday

Somebody called Robbie Roden called to see where I was last night, didnt know the name, figured I was being stalked, put the phone down.

Friday

Horrible Robbie didnt call thank god. 12 pints in the Killer and I was a new man until Deco called, apparently Gavin has arranged a match against Brigoid Dearg. Dammit

Saturday

God sake, What the hell is wrong with this damn defence, I puked in the goal when they scored their 7th. John refused to play on. Figured that if I hold the line in the oppostion's penalty box we'd concede less. Also asked Murray to put on heavier boots to kick it further. He kept on laughing, strange chappie.

Sunday

Bernt dropped by to say hello and we played pull my finger. He said there was no point in continuing cos he was gona eat a mars bar later on. Good Pro.

Monday

The lads have told me theres no match Saturday. Asked Shane why was there a match down in the Herald, how odd?

Tuesday

Man in the Herald insisted we had a match, writing in to complain, what a nincompoop. Rang Gavin to make sure, could have sworn Collie was laughing in the back. Just my imagination.

Wednesday

No point training if no match. Deco wasn't pleased, told me not to bother anymore. Swine, I know he doesnt mean it.

Thursday

Went down to the Oscar pitch, its fine, the lads wouldn't lie would they?

Friday

Rang the lads to see if anyone was going out seen as we had no match, they all said they were getting ready for match so it was a no no. How odd, I thought we hadn't got one. Eoghan said it was a referral to Liverpool. Problem solved.

Saturday

Spent day in Killer. I'm certain I saw the lads playing when i drove by the pitch on way to work. Rang the pigs and got them arrested those imposters stealing our shirts. Not sure if police showed.

Sunday

Another hangover d'oh

Monday

Why was our result in the Herald if we didnt play, sack them now. The lads never called for training and St Donaghs were hiding again. Was it something i said?

Tuesday

Rang Deco, Gav and Shane, no answer, bit odd.

Wednesday

Some other team was training where the lads were. Never saw the lads in a black and blue kit anyway. Were always in Red. Must be a new team.

Thursday

Txt the guys bout that new team, they insisted training was on last night. Fools

Friday

Still havent heard bout the game, was waiting til closing time before having a pint. No word though.

Saturday

What is it that the lads never answer phones between 2 and 4. They must be out with the family seen as we had no match. Double D though had footie gear on when he came in for a pint. He ran out when he saw me though.

Sunday

St Donaghs sent me a lovely team photo. Hung it on me wall. A big X was on me face. Must have been a drop of paint spilt.

Monday

2 weeks running the lads had a result in the herald. Stupid journalists. Came out to find my car on cinder blocks with BRFC wrote on it. Must have been Blackburn fans.

Tuesday

Spotted Joey in his car today, those 4 new tyres looked familiar though, he sped up when he saw me.

Wednesday

Threw out me boots, the lads never call anymore. Til next time,

JIMBO

by Dave Murray